TimeToGo
61Daddy
I have had the pleasure of having my dad live with me since my mom died 13 years ago. When he first came it was great he could still drive so he would run small errands for me. He even did small things around the house. But mostly he could take care of his self, bath go up and down the stairs, things sometimes we take for granted.
For the past year I have watched dad go slowly down hill. And he always seems so sad to me. I had to put him in the hospital this past Febuary he got phenomia and had to stay at a personal care home for about 3 weeks to get better, when I got him home he was doing so well I thought he was going to be fine then. But now he is back at the personal care home after a 2 week stay in the hospital for phenomia again. But this time they tell me he has lung cancer and dose not have long to live they tell me months.
So now my question is? Do I leave him there to die or bring him home? He is to sick to be alone all the time and I have to work, and I can not afford a full time nurse. It is so hard leaving him there but sometimes you have to do what you think is best at the time. Why is it so hard when we get old you work all your live and try to raise your family, take care of them and wind up in a room by yourself. Dose not seem fair to me.
I wish I could do more but no money when I don't work and I do have my grandson to raise to, so I have to try to do what is best for everyone.
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I echo a what G-Ma has said, and add. At frail care, where he is getting all the attentive care, that he needs, he feels safe, and does not feel that he is a burden to the ones that he cares for, and cares for him the most.
This is always a difficult decision. Old people feel abandoned and neglected and can also be unreasonable. You need to do what is best for everyone and try to get a win win situation where everyne is happy. quite difficult though
Hi debby, my experience with this is that mom has been through this too=(, and she actually liked visiting and making new friends at the care home if this is one where theres others.Besides you have spent the last 13 years together.You are wonderful in that respect. "Your love and commitment you have for your family is unshakeable." Sometimes we have to accept and know it's alright / know we are doing the right thing for the right reason.I bet he's really proud of you and loves you very very much." he understands." The older folks sometimes have a remarkable way of understanding all things.My mom is one.
Thanks to everyone I am very thankful for your kind words. It is just hard leaving him there, even thou I know it is for the best.
Sweetie I will get easier..then harder...then easier again..My mom is in a home with Alzheimer Disease..I see her most everyday..because I can...but like today I came home upset...they go through so much...and are so sweet..and so dependant...Where my mom is there are only 30 residents..and is in a country scene....You will be fine and as you get some rest will feel better...G-Ma :o) hugs
wow, thank god ive never had to deal with such questions. You should feel really proud of yourself for how wonderfully you cared for your father throughout all of these years. Im sure he must feel extremely loved and supported by you.
thanks so much for the kind words but just came from seeing my dad and don't feel so good afterwards when I have to leave him.
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G-Ma Johnson Level 4 Commenter 3 years ago
Well sweetie where he gets the care he is in need of is most important..you too need to care for yourself and your grandson...and I am in total agreement about being alone...about being ill and getting old..but truely God has set a path for each of us..and is ours to bear alone,,painfully alone..You do what you can..but your limited and need to accept that...as I have done...but it hurts like Hell...and may for a while to come...My prayers are still said for you each night..G-Ma :o) hugs